Adult Rated Riddles - 2

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a
wife?

A: 45 pounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a
husband?

A: 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of
true love?

A. The swallow..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the
morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to
send this on to
somebody

Live well, laugh hard, & love deeply!!!

Nature at its best... 1

For All Those Dirty Minds ...

These may sound bad but the moral at the end is a good one...

I was scared at first.
It was very wide, and very long,
and it angled straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it.
It felt weird at first.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down on it.
I was really loving it.

Now I ride on escalators all the time.

I took my fingers and slowly,
and gently stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white.
I licked it once, twice ... I found I couldn't stop.
I licked it faster and faster, and harder.
I began to scrape my teeth against it.
There it was, in my mouth!
All sweet and creamy.
I was done.

And I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookies.

I squeezed it gently at first,
then a little bit harder.
There seemed to be more and more of it
I moved it towards my lips.
It was a strange and new sensation for me.
I put it in my mouth
and moved it around and around with my tongue.
The time soon came when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience.

The 1st time I tasted toothpaste.

They were both round and firm.
There was only the slightest difference between the two.
I took one in my hand and twisted it hard.
I used my other hand to grab the other one
and twist it hard the other way.

Now there's a brighter light bulb in the living room.

It was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers
until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands,
and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.

Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.

I knew it could be done.
I wanted to try but I didn't know if I could do it.
I called my friend.
He said he knew how to do it and would teach me.
He put his arms around me and started.
I watched nervously in the mirror.
He finally finished and pulled back slowly.
I felt relieved that it was over.

I hate neckties.

It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting.
I wasn't sure just what I wanted to do with it.
I carefully pulled it apart with my fingers to look into it better.
I knew how great it would be if I just started eating it.

But I decided to put ketchup on my burger.

MORAL???

It is not the word that corrupts the mind, but the mind that corrupts the word.

Oh Happy Day

Why Students Fail In Examz ?

It's not the fault of the student if he/she
fails b/c the year has an only 365 days.
Typical academic year for a student.
52 Sundays in a year which are rest days.
Balance 313 days.
Summer holidays 50 where weather is too hot & difficult to study
Balance 263 days
8hrs daily sleep means 122 days.
Balance 141 days
1 hr for daily playing (good for health) means15 days.
Balance 126 days.
2hrs daily 1 for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat) means 30 days.
Balance 96 days.
1hr for talking (human is a social animal) means
15 days.
Balance 81 days.
Exam days per year at least 35 days.
Balance46 days
Quarterly, half yearly & festival holidays means 40 days.
Balance 6 days.
For sickness at least 3 days.
Balance 3 days.
Movies & functions at least 2 days.
Balance 1 day.
That 1 day is your birthday

Jokes Today

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4".

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"


JOKE OF THE DAY

Submitted by: (Guru)



A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.



He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.



"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"



The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.



"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."



The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.



The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the

chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.



Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this

time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

Are you sure he's very rich?

Hmmm I love My MOM

We Love You Dad....................

A snail can sleep for three years.
>
> American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by
eliminating
> one olive from
> each
> salad served in first-class.
>
> Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
>
> An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
>
> Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear
> until the child
> reaches
> 2 to 6 years of age.
>
> Butterflies taste with their feet
>
> Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only
> have about 10.
>
> China has more English speakers than the United
> States.
>
> Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he
> doesn't wear any
> pants.
>
> Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
>
> February 1865 is the only month in recorded history
> not to have a full
> moon.
>
> I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English
> language.
>
> If Barbie were life-size, her measurements ould be
> 39-23-33. She would
> stand
> seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the
> length of a
> normal
> human's neck.
>
> If the population of China walked past you in single
> file, the line
> would
> never end because of the rate of reproduction.
>
> If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you
> will have produced
> enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
>
> In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been
> domesticated.
>
> Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
>
> Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
>
> Michael Jordan gets more money from Nike annually
than ALL of the Nike
> factory workers in Malaysia combined.
>
> No word in the English language rhymes with month.
>
> Right-handed people live, on average, nine years
> longer than
> left-handed
> people do.
>
> Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and
> 'bump'.
>
> Starfish haven't got brains.
>
> Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the
> left hand.
>
> The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six
> inches for each
> gallonof
> diesel that it burns.
>
> The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
> out to the body
> to
> squirt blood 30 feet.
>
> The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
>
> The name of all the continents end with the same
> letter that they start
> with.
>
> The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
>

Orgasm