BLACK ROYALTY

This is a letter that was written to a newspaper in the U.S...

Dear Jaime,

Im sorry but I would like to challenge some of your black male readers.I am
a white female who is engaged to a black male who is good looking,educated
and loving.I just don't understand a lot of black female's attitudes about
our relationship.My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst
black women were slim to none.As he said they were too fat, too ugly, too
loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic, or carrying
too much baggage.Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was
constantly being approached by black men, willing to wine and dine me and
give me the world.
If black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't
they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks
and snide remarks I get when we are out in public. I would like to hear
from some black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them.
Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley,
Scotty Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones,
James Earl Jones, Harry Bellafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Godding
Jnr, Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne,Wesley
Snipes, I could go on and on. But right now, I am a little angry and that is
why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us white women because so
many of your men want us.Get your acts together and learn from us and we may
lead you to treat your men better. If I am wrong, black men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This letter was written by a black man in response to the letter from the

Disgusted White Girl.

Dear Jaime,

I would like to respond to the letter written by a Disgusted White Girl.Let
me start by saying that I am a 28 year old black man;I graduated from one of
the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor
of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major
Corporation & have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be
among the ranks of successful black men.
I will not use my precious time to slander white people; I just want to set
the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one
of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were
considered easy.The black girls in my neighbourhood were raised in the
church.They were very strict about when the y lost their virginity and who
they lost it to.Because of our impatience to wait,brothers would look for
someone who would give it up easy without any hassle. So, they turned to the
white girls.
Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are
docile and easy to control.A lot of black men, because of
insecurities,fears,and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the
strength of our black women. We are afraid that our women will be more
successful than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this
fear, many black men look for a more docile woman.Someone we can control.I
have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how
easy it is to control and walk over their white women.I just want to set
the record straight.I want a disgusted White Girl to know that not all
successful black men date white women.
Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris
Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Samuel. L. Jackson, and Chris Rock
all married strong black women. And to flip the script, there are numerous
white men in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black
women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro and David Bowie to name a
few.I just don't want a Disgusted White Girl to be misinformed.Stop thinking
that because you are white that you are some type of Goddess.
Remember when black Egyptian queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were
ruling dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of
Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.
Read your history. It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and
season your food. It was the black woman who taught you how to praise your
children; it was black women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies
during slavery. It is the black woman that had to endure watching their
fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed and thrown into jail. Black
women were born with two strikes against them: Being black and being a
woman! And through all of this,
STILL THEY RISE!
It is because of the black womans strength, elegance, power, love and
beauty that I could never date anyone except my Black Queens. It is not just
the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact
that they come in all different shapes and sizes, colours and shades that I
love them. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity,
their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for
what they believe in and their determination to succeed and reach their
highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have
fallen in love with a black women.
I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy
than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to
tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then
why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to
inject your lips, hips and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances
so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is
really a result of you wanting to have what the black women has.
Bottom Line: If I were looking for a docile woman, Someone I can walk over
and control, I would give you call. But unfortunately, I am looking for
virtuous women, someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children,
someone who can be my best friend and understand my struggles. I am looking
for a soul mate, I am looking for a sister and unfortunately you do not and
CANNOT fit the bill.I guess you are just SOL (sadly outta luck).No offence
taken, none given.**********************************************************************

NOT SURE WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE THINKING ABOUT WEARING THESE OUTFITS.....OR IF THEY

WTF is that?!?!?!? If I caught this in a net,
I would throw that back.( Be Cool eh ??)


Just because Sarah Jessica Parker does this ??

OMG

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People, that's all -- What do you expect ? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be prime Minister. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park!!! Car mechanics tell you the truth. Street maps are not written in braille to you. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another service station restroom because this one is just "too icky". You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet & you can wear "wobbly boots" home from the pub and getting falling down pissed is acceptable, almost mandatory! One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about differentials. A five-day holiday requires only one small suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck and You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

Well, it's shit . that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.


You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.


Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.


You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........

Well, Shit Happens!!!

OMG

A redneck and a Frenchman were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine.
The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge.
They tied the rope around the Frenchman’s neck and said, “Do you have any last words?”
He said, “No.”
They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long.
He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river.
Then they tied the same rope around the redneck’s neck and said, “Do you have any last words to say?”
He said, “Yes, shorten up that rope boys ’cause I can’t swim.”

Funny Stuff X

A holy man was having a conversation with God one day and said,
' God , I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

God led the holy man to two doors.

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.

They were holding spoons with very long handles, that were strapped to their arms and each found it impossible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

God said, 'You have seen Hell.'

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.

There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.

The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, 'I don't understand...'

'It is simple,' said God . 'It requires but one skill.

You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

How fights start

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot

as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

******************************************************


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's how the fight started.....

******************************************************


I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started....

******************************************************


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were


in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started....



*******************************************************


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.


Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer

would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started......

*******************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started.....



*******************************************************



My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

=======================================================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

=======================================================

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a petrol station...
And then the fight started...

=======================================================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend...
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and
I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

===========================================================

I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know
how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...

===========================================================

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf '
Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When
I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed
her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass,
you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

OH OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES!!!!

A stranger was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when
the stranger turned to her and said,

"Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."


The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"


"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "Since you are a Negro, do you think that So-called President Elect Barack Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.

"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"


The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."


To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barack Obama... when you don't know shit?"

Just Think About It.

FUNNY MATHEMATICS

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

____________ _________ _________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


____________ _________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
____________ _________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
____________ _________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him
a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
____________ _________ _________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a
lot more willing to die.

____________ _________ _________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she
does.
____________ _________ ________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

____________ _________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Adult Rated Riddles - 1

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in
your new car.

Q What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q.. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf
ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that
kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and
'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

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