Frog?

Nature at its best...10

Confucius Say: *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run in front of car get tired. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who run behind car get exhausted. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man with one chopstick go hungry. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who scratch arse should not bite fingernails. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Man who fart in church sit in own pew. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Crowded elevator smell different to midget. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Person who deletes this has no humor!!! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Now send it to 1 or more people. Nothing will happen but 1 or more people laughing

Can I Borrow $25? A man came home from work late, tiredand irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at thedoor. SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you aquestion?' DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' repliedthe man. SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make anhour?' DAD: 'That's none of your business.Why do you ask such a thing?' the Man said angrily. SON: 'I just want to know. Pleasetell me, how much do you make an Hour?' DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 anhour.' SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied,with his head down. SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow$25?' The father was furious, 'If the onlyreason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a sillytoy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight toyour room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish....I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.' The little boy quietly went to hisroom and shut the door. The man sat down and started to geteven angrier about the little boy's questions.....How dare he asksuch questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the manhad calmed down , and started to think: Maybe there was something he reallyneeded to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for moneyvery often. The man went to the door of thelittle boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He asked. 'Nodaddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking, maybe I was toohard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I tookout my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.' The little boy sat straight up,smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!'He yelled. Then, reaching under hispillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already hadmoney, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out hismoney, and then looked up at his father. 'Why do you want more moneyif you already have some?' the father grumbled.. Because I didn't have enough, but nowI do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy anhour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like tohave dinner with you.' The father was crushed. He put hisarms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all ofyou working so hard in life. We should not let time slip throughour fingers without having spent some time with those who reallymatter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worthof your time with someone you love.. If we die tomorrow, the company thatwe are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours, but the family & friends we leavebehind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. From my house to yours From my home to yours - enjoy. Please don't break this even if youonly send it to one person. Thanks

5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift...
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The
Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.. The manager says, 'I want
those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey,
'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...


Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Send this to at least five bright, funny people you know and make their
day!

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price.'

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that, in Spanish,unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, ismasculine: 'el lapiz.' So, a student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into twogroups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the femininegender ('la Computadora'), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computersis incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory forpossible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourselfspending half your paycheck on accessories for it. (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2.. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.